The Prophet prints nothing but ill Of the people I quote with my quill A bug getting news Granger outed my ruse Blackmailed me and told me to chill
I thought J.K. thought I was swell She was just biding time 'til I fell She ended my life With Lestrange's thrown knife I guess I'll see Rowling in hell!
My hair’s pulled up tight in a bun I turn into a cat just for fun I don’t take students’ crap So sit down, shut your trap Because I’ve got a classroom to run
A wizarding force in my day I wanted Tom Riddle to pay But then Snape did me in And now I’m a has-been It turns out all along I was gay
If you’re looking for evil I’m it But I really screwed up, to wit I tried to kill Harry He used love to parry I instead killed myself like a git
I have a strong urge to expound On the way I was easily downed In dueling I failed And I sailed through the Veil I should have just stayed as a hound
Look, am I really that bad? I'm less of a jerk than my dad I played Harry's foil Just like Crabbe and Goyle I'm the number one Slytherin cad
Limerick
Character Name
My spell casting skills are quite keen My library visits routine I’ve got bushy hair I’m totally square I’m the brightest witch you’ve ever seen
On film I’m a strapping young buck In the books I walk like a duck I’m the world’s best seeker But not a great speaker And Hermy-own-ninny I’d like to date
Im a redheaded dude with a ‘tude It’s my brother who really got screwed Snape blasted my ear But at least I’m still here My twin is the one who’s worm food
I’ve got less than a widow’s mite My dress robes a terrible sight I play second fiddle In Potter v. Riddle But I’m sleeping with Granger tonight
The Marauders consider me weak Am I a man or a mouse? Squeak, squeak! Ratted on James and Lily I guess that was silly And now I’m a one-handed freak
You knew I would be in this quiz These books are about me, gee whiz Well here's a huge hint My best friend is Grint I think you can guess who this is
I live out in the woods in a hut I’m really a bit of a nut I raise dragons and skrewts I hang out with brutes And my mother’s a giant, so what?
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